Ok like, I’ve been volunteering for my friend Chris on her site teachwithgames.com (a site that is printable games for homeschooled kids) forever. I am kind of her volunteer illustrator and help her make assets for games, puzzles, and her little mascots for the site Zeke and Joey.
Then I’ve been doing some fun illustrative game art for my friend Andrew at consumingfiregaming which is his YouTube channel. He basically streams games and does prayer requests with his family, I love it. Probably gonna make designs for them in the future.
Most recently I’ve started work helping my great friends at Fear the Lord Gaming, which is another gaming ministry only they focus on online community, and have been focusing on social media. Which is perfect because while I’m home with dad I basically can only communicate via mobile devices. Twitter, instagram, discord, YouTube, all that good stuff.
And that segue leads to daddy. He is eating every half hour, kind of super depressed, and I’m sitting here on my phone all day while he is like asleep maybe 70% of the day. I will not lie I feel guilty. But at the same time I know if I didn’t do SOMETHING I would go mad.
I guess the big thing too is I fear I’ll loose track of my relationship with the Lord during all this. And I don’t wanna do that. I gotta find time to pray.
That tends to be the main response I give when people, especially mom, ask what he is doing. He now has a cocktail of meds similar to my own, and also similarly we’re both sleepy all the time. And of course I’m a big fan of naps so when he sleeps I tend to also.
This becomes difficult since he now has to be fed liquids every half hour from 6:30am to around 10pm or so.
Thankfully that isn’t my entire “shift” but it’s difficult to maintain without vigilance. I am not Batman and I slip up from time to time which is understandably unacceptable. Understandable that it happens but in the eyes of any medical staff totally unacceptable.
God has possibly been leading me into the medical arena and I’m having a hard time finding out to what focus, but personally I actually kinda wanna stay a caregiver. And that means that this ongoing story is part of my training. God very specifically knows.
We’ve been moving too so there’s that added stress and tendency to freak dad out so he vomits. But I just have to keep with it. Trust God and keep with it.
And take a nap as I will do so right now.
He’s not on the suicide watch anymore.
He’s still depressed.
He’s still weeping.
He’s still vomiting.
He’s still throwing up.
He’s still dwelling in the land of his guilt.
But he’s home.
I’m happy my daddy is home.
I just wish these other things had stayed at the hospital.
There is time to do things…but will we?
There is time to say things..,but will they be said despairing needing to be so much?
There is time to make memories…but what kind will they be? Happy? Sad? This room?
But there is still time.
God is not mocked, whatever a man sows that he shall also reap.
We aren’t out of breath yet, God hasn’t taken us home, Jesus hasn’t come for His bride yet.
There is still time. There is still time….
But beware. Because for what we consider a century God considers a moment.
So heart of mine please turn to the Lord while there is still time.
I’m tired. Nana is tired. Mom is tired. The nurse attendant watching dad is even emotionally tired.
I know the Lord is on a take care of us always and I fully believe daddy has never been out of His hand….but it wears you out. We had a major scare this morning, I was so taken aback that I didn’t even know what to pray. I asked others to though online. Dad has had friends come over and visit which kinda got him a little off kilter. It’s just….today has been a marathon.
Today has been on of those days that feels like it’s never gonna end.
But I know it’s for a season. I know what I’ve been praying. And I do have to ask God if that’s been right despite me feeling that it is. And I just have do what my mama keeps telling us. We have to keep going. We have to keep going…
So at this point, dad has spent almost an entire week in the hospital. He has gotten fluid drained from him multiple times, he has had to take bunches of medication, and he’s been throwing up on and off. There are issues that we didn’t realize were already there, and I thank the Lord that we were able to see what all he needed during this visit.
The main thing, the big thing, is that it seems like it will never end. When one thing is discovered, another complication arises. And we haven’t even spoken about a specialty place they wanted to send him to after he’s discharged. It’s just….
Plus there’s another thing happening that involves finance and time and it’s like what are we even supposed to do when we can’t even get groceries?!