Nothing you can say…


Well, going to get daddy’s cryotherapy and nasogastric tube installed

So I’m feeling a bit less raw about the entire situation now, which is a nice relief.

Basically right now we’re on our way to the cancer treatment center for Dad to get a minimally invasive surgery, inserting a small tube from dad’s nose into his stomach so he can get food correctly. While they’re on there, they’re also gonna use…I think liquid nitrogen…? Basically they’re gonna try and freeze part of the tumor like you would on like a wart or something. Kill off some of the cancer cells and shrink the tumor to make the opening in his stomach so he can eat regularly.

Long and short of it is that he’s going into minor surgery and I’m a little nervous for him. But afterwards I’ll definitely have more information and experience caring for someone with a feeding tube, which is good nursing experience for sure. ….yay?

Possibly good things, just a really tough start at first….

So my dad may need a feeding tube.

As usual when something big happens in terms of dad getting new or altered care, I kind of have a big time of freaking out or not being sure what all is going to happen.  Also it doesn’t help that my blood sugar is low, but I had a bit of peanut butter so that should help that part at least.

I’m sadly too shaky and concerned at this moment to fully explain, I guess I will later.

Tried some salmon loaf

Hey all, been a while!  In the interim, as usual, some things have happened.

Dad was given a chemotherapy that we think hasn’t been working on him very well.  He started to feel full again and have that sort of weird burping that he had at the beginning of his cancer journey.  For over a week now he’s been on a liquid and soft foods diet, and while we were speaking with the dietitian at the cancer center she suggested a site called “pureed pizazz” and it has been awesome!

The first meal we have attempted is called salmon loaf, basically salmon meatloaf.  It actually does get baked in the oven, which I was more than a bit worried over whether it would be super dense and solid like regular meatloaf.  But when I took that out of the oven and tried some, it was nice and creamy.  Basically it kinda retains the texture of tuna and mayo, but with a good amount of flavor and body to it.  I did however take out the numeric and cayenne pepper because of dad’s specific dietary needs.  Even without those big flavors, Dad really enjoyed it.  Feel free to take a look at it here.

In the meantime God is good, and we’ve been waiting for the results of his PET scan that he did yesterday.  He may, God willing, be moving to immune therapy.  Basically that could cure him, which is exciting and terrifying.

Decided to take a leap today…

One thing I feel like God has been leading me to over and over after my caregiving with dad, is to go into the medical field. Nothing like a doctor or surgeon or anything, but as a simple nurses assistant. God may want me to do something specific like more caregiving or long term care stuff, but the CNA registration so far has been the start point.

I’ve been wondering over and over again how I can manage to prepare for that, because that’s one thing that helps me not to be so completely overwhelmed or scared, and a swift look on amazon found me a legit text book. Or at least something akin to it and less of a “CNA CRAM SESSION WORK BOOK WOW” like I kept finding.

So that’s all ordered….we’ll see…. Hilariously this blog will probably continue whether my care duties are to daddy, or others.

Life happens indeed.

Dealing with mini-colds

Sadly I seem to have been suffering weird little bouts of illness over the past few months. Usually they come with congestion, coughing, sore throat, and some kind of sinus pressure.

My first thought is that it’s just maybe allergies, but the issue is that I have to make sure I stay away from dad when I have any kind of problem that could be transferred to him. Yes I wear a mask, yes I wash my hands, but somehow it still comes back and I have to worry.

In a way I’m issuing this to sort of think aloud to what could be causing this. The first I think of is just plain allergies getting not treated properly and developing into colds. Also, with my masks if I don’t throw them away after use, I could be accidentally giving myself the same sickness. Also, there could be some environmental factor I haven’t figured out yet.

So for now, lots of vitamin C.

Just said goodbye to my honey

I am sitting here in the car waiting for a psychiatrist appointment with my dad. I can honestly say that I feel a little down and sort of non-emotionally responsive. That’s mainly because my boyfriend spent a week hanging out with me from Oklahoma, and I just got back from dropping him off at the airport. For some reason after that I just kind of drove around aimlessly for a little bit, before deciding to get some food and sort of relax and sit at my next destination… Which I’m currently at, and waiting for like an hour and a half.

I have to laugh because it seems like the more time goes on, the more I’ve been having weird emotional responses that I wouldn’t have in any other situation… with him here it was like everything was fine, there wasn’t any cancer things to deal with, life was just kind of normal. And maybe that’s the problem, because I’m sort of putting to much unintentional pressure on him to let things be normal and uneventful…

Has some heart to heart talks with my father happen for me and for Blain, so I’m interested to see how that plays into our relationship overtime. I know that God put him and me together for reason, but the timing that He has in mind may be a lot farther stretched than we realize…

Oh well, we’ll see.